True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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