I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
