This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize