I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
