highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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