Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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