Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
