ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
