New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
