I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
