filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
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Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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