she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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