This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
