First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
