I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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