apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
