the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
