Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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