Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Never underestimate the power of titties
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