weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
