she looked like the before picture.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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