sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
