are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
