I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
