I'm drive I can fine osifer
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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