Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
