Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
