Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
