So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
