why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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