people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
