you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need water and some morals
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
