I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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