Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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