the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
