Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
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I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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