If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this just has baby written all over it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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