I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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