Nicole vs. Life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
