Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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