I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize