Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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