My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
