Me. At least after what I've been through.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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