My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
