Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
