Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.