You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out