Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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