We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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