The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
