Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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