I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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