Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
