The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
