You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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