my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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