I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
