his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
