Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
