Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
