My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
