Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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