i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tell her she can't have a vagina
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
