do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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