she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
