my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
