Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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