they need to just BURY HIM!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You are a genius and a whore.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
