did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
