just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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