I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
