It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
