Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
