someone threw a dead crab at me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
