Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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