So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
