just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
