I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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