Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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