Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
